Top 5 Education Headlines You’ll Never See

Education is a national topic and does get a lot of press – both good and bad. While we here at ThinkFives enjoy keeping abreast of the latest trends in education, we asked ourselves if there are headlines we’d never expect to see about education.

Our Director of Amusing Communications surveyed his staff and they offered these possible headlines as news items you will never see in any publications.  Enjoy!



  • Teacher Answers “No” When Asked if This Will be on the Test
  • Every Student Reads the Instruction and There Are No Questions for the Teacher
  • Kindergarten Girl with Ponytails Goes Whole Year Without Having Them Pulled
  • Student Restrooms Built 30 Minutes Away Which Explains Tardiness in Returning to Class
  • Dog Who Allegedly Ate Homework Comes to the School to Throw Up and Prove Innocence


  • District Superintent tells school staff “Everything’s perfect.  Just keep doing what you’re doing!”
  • District Admits It Has No Idea What 17 Assistant Superintendents Do
  • Facing Cuts, District Decides to Decrease the Number of Administrators and Retain All Teachers
  • Teachers Petition Administration about Being Over Appreciated and Over Resourced
  • School Board Members Read All Reports and Show Up to the Board Meeting Well-Informed
High School

High School

  • Algebra Teacher Admits You Will Never Use This Again
  • Prep School Decreases Ass’t Football Staff by 10 Coaches and Hires More Teachers
  • Choir and Drama Teacher Stipends Push Teachers Into High Tax Brackets
  • Biology Teacher Reveals He Majored in Bio Just Because He Likes Cutting Things
  • Required Reading List in English Class Includes a Living Author


  • Parent Admits Child Is Not Gifted and Should Be in Regular Program
  • All Parents of Students Struggling in Class Show Up for Parent Conferences
  • Parent Acknowledges It Wasn’t Bad Coaching That Made Their Child Trip Over Ball
  • Bake sale parent “accidentally misplaces” other parent’s moister brownies.
Teacher Compensation

Teacher Compensation

  • Signing Bonuses For New Teachers Hit a Record High
  • Teacher Announces Her Retirement. Will Cash Out $2.9 Million in District Stock Options
  • Local Car  Dealers and Luxury Stores Stock Up As Teacher Bonuses to Be Paid June 1
  • District to Increase “Night Pay” for Correcting Papers and Prep-Time by 25%
  • Teacher Takes Vacation in October and Wonders, “Where Are All the Lines at the Airport and Hotels?”

Do You Have an Education Headline That We’lll Never Be Seen?


  1. Parents admit that teachers don’t get the summers completely off. Parents realized teachers still work during the summer

What do you THINK?

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