The Survey Says
It’s said that kids say the darndest things. Well, they write them, too.
ESGI and ThinkFives asked hundreds of elementary school teachers to share the funniest mistakes they had seen on writing assignments. We laughed our way through pages of these and picked our Top 5 Categories and Top 5 Favorites in each.
Misspelled
Spelling is a challenge for many students and spell checkers aren’t available for most writing assignments. A missed letter or two can change the entire meaning of a sentence.
- “After dinner, the waiter served everybody crappuccino.” (cappuccino)
- “My parents were in a good mood and bought dognuts for both of us.” (doughnuts)
- “I love my hore family.” (whole)
- “In France, before dinner, they always say, ‘Bon Ape Tit.’” (bon appetit)
- “My favorite President is April Ham Lincoln.” (Abraham)
Misused
Even if a student manages to get the spelling correct, that doesn’t mean the work is ready for publishing. A strategically misused word can also lead to trouble.
- “We honored all the vegetarians that were killed in the war.” (veterans)
- “The whole family is going to Vagina for Spring Break.” (Virginia)
- “After you hug a boy, you smell like his colon.” (cologne)
- “I was happy after I sang because I could see the smiling feces of my family.” (faces)
- “I like Mr. Kellerman. He does meth with us every day.” (math)
“Ss” Get Confusing
Lots of words have two “esses.” That’s not a problem, unless of course, you miss another letter in the word.
- “None of my friends like the Ass Principal.” (Asst.)
- “I said I would ass my brother tomorrow.” (ask)
- “My dad said don’t say anything until you are assed.” (asked)
- “During the parade we saw a big ass band with lots of horns.” (brass)
- “I was never as bad ass my brother.” (bad as)
Body Parts & Functions
Sometimes, children have no idea what they wrote incorrectly. It doesn’t take much to mix up a letter or two and write something that will embarrass your preacher. We had to go carefully here so as to keep our PG-13 rating but we think you know how quickly things can go wrong.
- “My teacher said we will study orgasms tomorrow.” (organisms)
- “The Indians were afraid to ride into the fart.” (fort)
- “I like the baseball game because of the peanus guy.” (peanuts)
- “Octopuses have so many testicles to play with.” (tentacles)
- “My brother was happy. He had one dollar and 3 penis.” (pennies)
Confusing Words Beginning with “Sh”
[ChiefThinkers note: If you are offended by the word that begins with “sh” and ends with “t” and rhymes with Brad Pitt, please stop reading here and call it a Top 4 List this time.]
Students often miss a letter or two when writing. That makes for particularly funny sentences with “sh.” #1 one on our list are all the words beginning with “sh” that somehow got misused.
Kids write the craziest sh*. We mean “shtuff” of course.
- “Shit is my favorite lunch treat ever.” (This)
- “My dad said he hated his work shits.“ (work shifts)
- “The shit left the harbor and everyone waved at the people sitting on it.” (ship)
- “The zebra has more shits than any other animal.” (stripes)
- “Dear Grandma. Thank you for the beautiful shit you sent me.” (shirt)
You have a funny wiring mistake to share?
O. M. G. Tears running down my face! Thank you so much!!
One of the funniest things that seems to happen to every new Kindergarten teacher is when students are supposed to cut and paste their sight words. There is always at least one student who, instead of gluing the letters in order to spell “THIS” rearranges them to spell “SH*T” on the worksheet!
Holy sh*t! This just made my morning!!
Do you have a quick sex with me? (I meant to say “sec”, as in second).